Have you ever had a moment, when watching a documentary or a Youtube video or listening to a friend, you said to yourself: I don’t f*cking care about your sob story! It feels bad to think. It can make us feel selfish, insensitive and cruel and we wonder why we can’t change the fact that hearing the same childhood disaster recipe cooked over and over again makes our eyes roll. Everyone has struggles. They should get over it, right?
This may sound completely elementary to some of you, but I only just now had the realization of why I (and most people) have this innate urge to shut people down when they tell their sob story: Everyone has struggles.
I recently watching a documentary about a fat girl who lost a bunch of weight and got into body building. Usually, the reason people give for out of control eating is sexual or physical abuse (just watch My 600 lb Life. You’ll see the trend) and it makes sense. Someone violates your body or self-worth in your developmental stage of childhood, it creates a condition of the mind that looks at the body through deformed lenses…etc. These stories, even when the repetitiveness makes us start huffing and puffing, is a very real equation.
HOWEVER, this particular documentary about the body builder started off a different way. Her childhood was awesome. Loving parents. Plenty of affection. Hugs and kisses. Strong foundational support. Acceptance. Happiness. This woman openly admitted that the struggle of her teenage and early adult life had absolutely nothing to do with her childhood, it was just a mixture of bad choices and bullying.
I thinks to myself: FINALLY. Someone without a sob story. Then it hit me.
A person set-up for success with no inhibiting outside influences experiences suicidal thoughts because of her over-eating and fatness. Why? She took part in the “body-positivity” movement, was successful at “fat girl comedy” in Las Vegas, auditioned for a broadway show…how in the world could she have a story with such a powerful message?
Everyone has struggles. It literally does not matter how happy or screwed your childhood is. It doesn’t matter if you were popular or bullied in school, whether your parents loved you or beat you. We will all face some kind of life-changing trial that plays the key role in making us who we are. There is no avoiding it. How can we sit back and say, “I don’t want to hear your sob story”? Because we are weary of trials.
Our need for goodness and wholeness drives us on this fruitless search of something totally pure; something perfect. We grow insensitive to stories of hardship because they are all around us and they are inescapable. Humanity has not yet figured out that the story without a “sob” does. Not. Exist. Anywhere.
So, the next time you feel guilty for being so cruel in your head—don’t. It’s human nature. You are not a heartless person, unless your need for happiness drives you to make someone else more miserable. Until then, look heaven-side for that perfection. It’s the only place where that need can be fulfilled.